So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
