i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
