You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
