is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
