Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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