your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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