Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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