So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
