I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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