You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
