You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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