i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
