I didn't shave. On purpose
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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