and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
