that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
