and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
