go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
