dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
