one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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