I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
