i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
