i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
