Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
