took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
