dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
