i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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