is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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