u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize