How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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