you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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