They should really pass out barf bags in church
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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