i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
