You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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