things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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