In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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