You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Pooping to opera.
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