I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
where am i from again
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
