Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Can I color on your dick again?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
