Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
