i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
