wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
