Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
