His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
