I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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