just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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