The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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