I just threw up on my dentist
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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