Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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