it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
