i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
