remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
