how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
