You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
