Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He shit in the fireplace
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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