can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
