She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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