So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
