Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
