WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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