hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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