my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
