if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
