omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
