im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
