??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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