Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
