i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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