You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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