You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
