I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
