you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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