Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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