I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
