So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
