Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
