So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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