Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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