hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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