Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
where are you?
Hypothermia
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
