I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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