Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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