is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm always down for nudity.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
