hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
