Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
